曱甴 2007-12-14 00:33
英文笑话:Alligator
[size=3]Joke:Alligator
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I willremove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".[/size]
曱甴 2007-12-14 00:33
[size=3]Joke:The Shredder
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent," said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."[/size]
曱甴 2007-12-14 00:33
[table=240][tr][td=1,1,241][/td][/tr][/table][size=11pt]Joke:F.U.C.K.
In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had consent of the king (unless they were in the Royal Family ). When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a placard that they hung on their door > while they were having sex. The placard had
F.U.C.K.
(
Fornication Under Consent of the King
) on it. Hence that's where the word Fuck came from.
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曱甴 2007-12-14 00:34
[table=240][tr][td=1,1,240][/td][/tr][/table][size=11pt]Joke:The new tax law
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis.This is due to the fact that 40% the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2000, your penis will be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows: 10-12" Luxury Tax $30.00 8-10" Pole Tax $25.00 5-8" Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5" Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
IRS
****NOTE****
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:
-Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
-What if one's penis is self employed? -Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
-Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
-Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
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